all the data needed to determine ... whether your person is a keeper, is in very soon after you meet ... often by the end of the first date.
our greatest personality assets … are always our greatest character liabilities. What we do best in the world, or how others mostly perceive us, is always a behavior that becomes our curse. For example, if you are known as a “Saint” type, you are also probably a “Doris Doormat.” The goal is to resolve the challenge of Doris without giving up the “Saint.”
it really is true ... that you won’t love or be loved until you love yourself.
how do I develop Self-Love? ... by setting baby step self-love goals and accomplishing them. I cannot emphasize enough that starting with attainable goals is paramount since the key to development of self-love is the successful accomplishment of these goals. The other necessary ingredient is eliminating negative self talk. These two components are also the keys to stepping out of a depression.
you will have significantly more respect for yourself ... if you resist becoming involved with someone you know will not be good for you.
you are significantly more likely to pick a bad partner ... if you have low self esteem.
how can you expect your partner to love you ... if you don’t love yourself.
hearts are like eggs ... they cannot nourish until they have been broken. Cherish your broken heart.
guilt is a wasted emotion ... holding on to guilt may cause physical, emotional and spiritual harm; adult decisions are driven by conscience.
you do not love someone when you believe you cannot live without him/her ... you are dependent. M.Scott Peck, MD (The Roadless Traveled) says it very well: “Dependency may appear to be love because it is a force that causes people to fiercely attach themselves to one another. But in actuality it is not love; it is a form of antilove. It has its genesis in a parental failure to love. It seeks to receive rather than to give. It nourishes infantilism rather than growth. It works to trap and constrict rather than to liberate. Ultimately it destroys rather than builds relationships and it destroys rather than builds people.”
feeling lonely ... is a sign that you are not enjoying your own company.
in the realm of romantic relationships ... two halves equal two halves.
most of us would rather stay in familiar misery ... than risk venturing into unknown bliss.
the more you fill yourself up .... the more you have to give.
the greatest life lessons are usually learned from perceived failures ... so always think of a failure as an opportunity.
do not be afraid to suffer ... it is one of our greatest teachers.
developing a meaningful and healthy relationship takes time ... you cannot hurry mother nature.
the only one being hurt by a grudge ... is the one holding it.
the truth will set you free ... but first it may make you miserable.
think of boundaries as sandboxes ... your sandbox is your sandbox, his/her sandbox is his/her sandbox ... you do not belong in each other’s sandbox without an invitation.
it is never acceptable ... to fight in front of the kids.
children learn what they observe ... not what they are told.
positive reinforcement ... promises more long lasting success than punishment.
words empower and disempower ... delete: try, can’t and should from your vocabulary. say: allow more often. Notice how different it feels when you say: “he takes me for granted”, verses, “I allow him to take me for granted”.
anticipatory anxiety is almost always worse ... than the feared object or experience.
mastering the art of letting go is a valuable life-lesson … as life really is a series of hellos and goodbyes. The ability to let go of whom or what was in the past provides space for who or what is in the present or future.
do not be afraid to make decisions … They are life-lessons.
no decision … is a decision. Just like not acting is an action.
of all the misconceptions about love, the most powerful and pervasive is ... the belief that falling in love IS love or at least one of the manifestations of love.
the most positive reason for falling in love is … that it provides the opportunity to transition from the love myth to genuine love.
falling in love is an unconscious act … staying in love is a conscious one.
the longer you stay in a bad situation ... the harder it is to get out.
the norms that you live by for the duration of the relationship ... are being formed from the minute you meet.
the rules of the relationship ... are already etched in granite by the time you walk down the aisle.
do you prefer acute or chronic pain? ... if you choose to leave a bad situation, the pain will be acute, but in time the pain will end. If you stay in a bad situation you are promised chronic pain.
a very important question to ask yourself when you begin to assess the prospect is ... “Would I want my best friend or sibling involved with this person?”
remember that when you marry ... you are marrying your partner’s family.
believing that your partner causes you pain and pleasure is a myth ... those feelings are already a part of you. That person simply brings out what is already inside.
the only thing others will observe is your behavior .... no one knows what you are feeling or thinking.
feelings just are .... you cannot control them .... but you CAN control your thoughts and behaviors which will have a profound impact on your feelings. Positive thoughts and behaviors beget positive feelings, the opposite is also true.
there are 5 major feelings ... mad, sad, glad, scared, bad (shame). All the other words we use to express feelings are derivatives or combinations. You need to be able to recognize and express your feelings in order to have a successful relationship.
unacceptable behavior is just that ... unacceptable ... do not compromise yourself.
in relationships there are only perceptions, not realities … The goal is to meet and understand each other’s perceptions.
LAT or Living Apart Together … is a current trend in which committed (married and unmarried) couples make a decision to live apart when living together is also an option. Whichever decision you make, be sure that it has been made consciously and with forethought.
LAT is not for everybody … however, it is my opinion that for some, making the choice to live apart is the difference between staying together and ending the relationship.
These nuggets are but a few from my NEW & REVISED Edition of Princes & Toads.